Question 12: What do you miss most about Iran?

This answer changes all the time, so I plan to answer it regularly. Today's answer:

Talking to Strangers.

Tell me, where can I go to talk to strangers again?

Questions 9,10,11 & Beyond: What flavor of ice cream do Iranians like?

Update below

"The best ice cream has a little rosewater in it with pistachios, and you can get it at Bijan Bakery in San Jose," I told the class of 6th, 7th, & 8th graders at Christa McAuliffe School.

My niece's middle school invited me to talk to their 60 students. As they entered the room, the students greeted me with a handshake and their names. Wow. It was just so polite and welcoming.

"What do you know about Iran?" I asked.

War, children living in misery because of war, how the war in Iraq sometimes spills over into Iran, mud brick buildings, nuclear weapons... came the replies.

"How did you get these ideas?"

The news media...

"What do you know about California from the news?"

Celebrities, surfer dudes, forest fires, expensive....

"Is that what your life is like?"

A resounding NO.

We looked at some of the photographs Kamran and I took in Iran. (Slide shows here) There were questions about the photos and about Iran. Here are some of the questions that were asked:

Are there video games in Iran?

How much are video games?

How old are women when they have to start covering up?

What is free speech?

What is an embassy?

Do non-Muslims have to cover themselves?

Can men wear whatever they want?

So if Iranian women have to cover up, that means they don't wear tight dresses right?

If Tehran is like Los Angeles, does it also have a lot of smog?

How much is a dollar in Iranian money?

How do you keep track of all your rials?

How much does 900,000 rials buy?

Do they all have like five wives and twenty children?

Do women do everything that their husbands tell them to do?

Do bald women have to wear scarves?

How old are they when they can get a driver's license?

When can they vote?

What is the major religion?

What is a mosque?



Why do I only see men praying?

(Maybe I'll actually tell you how I responded to the questions in a coming post...)

This is the fourth time I have spoken to a group since coming to America. I have to say that I am so impressed with the questions people are asking. There is a lot of genuine curiosity. "Americans aren't afraid to ask even the most basic questions," Kamran says, and he is right. The curiosity I have encountered is just fearless. It's a pleasure.

I want to thank the classes at Christa McAuliffe school. Give yourselves a round of applause! Oh, and as promised, slide shows here and here's a little clip about young men and their hair in Iran. Make sure to read the update about this clip:

UPDATE:In preparing to view this video, you and your children should be aware that it contains anti-semitic, homophobic, and xenophobic material. I linked to the video in order to show young Iranian men struggling to exert their individuality, despite external pressure. It also highlights the dichotomy between what these men are doing and the racist message imparted by Iranian State tv. The video is included in the hopes that it will encourage open and frank discussion of all of these issues between you and your children.

As I explained to the class, the Iranian press is neither free nor fair. The Iranians I met in Iran are accustomed to reading messages from the government and in the media in a layered and complex way. They do not accept information unquestioningly. It would be a mistake to assume that negative messages in the clip are blindly accepted by viewers in Iran.

During the past few months, the morals police have been stopping young men with less than conservative hairdos, men wearing ties, and women pushing the limits of the dress code. This clip has several layers to it: 1) it shows the way that young men find to push the limits and 2) it shows the way that the state-controlled Iranian media tries to spin that using homophobia, anti-Americanism, and antisemitism. If you choose to watch this clip, remember that! Here is another link from Current TV that some might find interesting: Culture Cops.

Back to top

Blabbing all over the blogosphere

That's me... The most recent interview is up at blogher and was done by Pam who writes for Nerd's Eye View. I hope you enjoy it.

One step forward, five steps back

A post from Kamran:

He was sitting in front of me telling me how relaxed I look. "Last time I saw you, you were so worried", he said.

This friend of mine normally would never listen to news from Iran, but he told me, "Every time I heard news about Iran, I would just stop doing whatever I was doing and would yell Sshh, Sshh to my wife so I could hear the news". He also could not imagine that I would take Tori to Iran. Taking an American-Jew to Iran is something. "BEN JE GEK"? which means ARE YOU CRAZY?

He had hundreds of questions about living in Iran, which I could not answer in the short early Friday afternoon lunch appointment. His most amazing comment was still in my head even after couple of days. He said, "It sounds to me that Iran is taking one step forward and 5 steps backwards".

When I left to get some fresh fish for Sushi on my wobbly bike I was still looking for a response to his comment.

I am amazed at how much Iran has progressed in the last 28 years. Iranians who visit Iran for first time after the revolution of 1979 are shocked by how Iran is at least visually changed. They all know if we had a democratic government where the people could use all of resources that Iran has to enjoy, we would have a wonderful and modern society.

For me the most important reason that I can imagine at this point to explain why Iran is taking one step forward and 5 back is that Iran almost never ever had a democratic movement/government/ or institutions.

In the history of Iran you can always find people who think they know better what is best for the rest of Iranians. We have been always been looking for leaders who will fix our nation's problems and not developing institutions that could be the center of change and developments.

During my sushi dinner with the son of my best Dutch friend who came to Iran as a boy when he was 16 and left Iran as a man after 3 months of staying there, we both agreed that Iranians who live in Iran are amazing and we could not believe how they can survive there.

My young friend’s rite of passage to manhood is an interesting story: on the afternoon of his last night in Iran, we went to many shops to get him an 80gb hard drive for his computer back home. It was a cold winter day 2 years ago, we both were in good moods. He was ready to leave Iran. He told me that the first thing he would do would be to have a beer and drink it in public.

That night we had a good dinner and after watching a couple of hours of movies I took him to the airport and waited until he got his boarding pass. When I returned to home, Tori took the telephone out of the wall since the next day was a holiday, and we went to bed thinking, Oh man we are so happy he had a good time and that he left safe.

Two hours later he came back and looked awful, it turned out that he had a visa for only one month that he could use within 3 months, instead of a visa for 3 months that he could use within one month. It was very clear, but almost everybody who looked at his passport missed it. So we had to go to court. He wanted to get out ASAP. He had had a bad night. Looking at the video interview I made of him minutes after he came back in the house, I can only see how desperate he was to get f**k out of Iran.

Next morning after visiting two different government offices in two different sides of the city and seeing 17 different people (because I decided not to give any money to get the work done) we finally landed in the court room right before offices were closed.

After explaining everything to the weird looking massive judge, Kian (Persian name that he chose for him self in Iran) got permission to leave Iran within two days.

During all this time Kian was asking me so many times what was going on. Since I paid no money, I had to walk 4 floors more than 20 times and the only time I could keep Kian quiet was when he asked me "What is the judge saying?" and I told him that he is saying that you have to go to the army and serve 2 years. After he come down from being so panicked, he asked me, "How can you guys stay here"?

"This is a mad house". Kian told me.

Kian became a man in that one day. His parents were surprised to see how much he was changed in 3 months. So Iranians are supermen.

Last night after having lovely sushi and couple of beers with Kian, he agreed that we Iranians should have better lives in Iran.

I also found out that Kian's family (still very good friends of mine) see that video I took the night of his ill-fated visa snafu very often. Kian is still very angry with me because I could not stop laughing during that interview with him.

That day in Tehran I became 10 years older. Everybody I knew was surprised that I could get all of that paperwork done in one day. I could never forget Erna, Kian's mother, telling me “Don't worry, this is good for him”.

For the past 4 years I had always many different plans for when things would get nasty. Since everybody could also think of my plan A, I had to have plan B, plan C, and finally plan D.

Not having all those plans and not living in Iran, I would say my friend was right. I am relaxed, I am happy; I am free, but I am still looking for answers to my friend’s questions, particularly, why Iran takes one step forward and 5 back? Any ideas?

Question 8: If Iranians want democracy why don’t they overthrow the regime?

We get this question a lot… I like to remind people that Iran has had a number of revolutions and a war and that everyone I met in Iran knew someone personally who had died in any one of them. There’s kind of a revolution wariness in Iran right now. People want change, evolution: that’s without the R people!

What is interesting to me, is that the government in Iran seems bent on presenting Iran as country filled with maniacs, fanatics, and mindless followers when this is not the case. No, I believe that the current government of Iran would like the world to be afraid of it and its population. The idea that Iranians might be moderate, as most seem to be, is anathema to the current power structure.

That is why polltakers are dispersed by the police or worse -- as in the case of Abbas Abdi who was commissioned to poll his fellow Iranians on their opinions about the US -- arrested.

In order to remain in power, an unpopular government needs to do several things:

1. It needs to bare its teeth every once in awhile as in the case of the crackdown on hejab.

2. It needs an exhausted population too busy solving day-to-day problems to act on their desires for reform

3. Most importantly, it needs a population unaware of the true feelings of their neighbors.

So, hmm, did it surprise me that 79% of the population supports direct election of all leaders as is reported in the report by Terror Free Tomorrow? A bit… but did it surprise me that the survey showed an overall moderate bent to the responders? Not at all.

Question 6: How are other Muslim/Arab countries in the middle east seen by Iran?

...(allies - opponents)?

Thanks to reader Phillip for the great question. I cannot answer this authoritatively. All I can say is that for the most part, the Iranians I met do not like to see themselves as part of the Arab world. They are fairly racist against Arabs, claiming that the Arabs have no culture.

The Arabs I met in Iran also seemed to find Iranian culture foreign and odd. "This is not an Islamic country," they would tell me. "Every Iranian party has alcohol. At private parties, the women remove their hijab!" Yep.

An Ahwazi Arab-Iranian told me that during the Iran-Iraq war he dreaded hearing the propoganda from both sides. The Iranians, he told me, claimed that the Arabs were dirty and blood-thirsty and the Arabs claimed the same thing about the Persians.

After an earthquake in a Sunni-dominated area, the Iranian government refused to accept aid from many of the Sunni Arab countries. Why? They were afraid that the aid would come with radical ideas and were afraid of the radicalization of the Sunni population. This angered the local population because they felt that they were being denied help... but it did not radicalize them.

I think relations among Iran and the Arab/Muslim world are very delicate. The alliances that exist are not very strong. I have actually heard people in Iran argue that they would be better off forming an alliance with Israel. (Not that we will see anything of the sort anytime soon).

Some references:

The Persian Gulf States

(I hope to add more as I find them. If readers have suggestions, please add them. Thanks)

Question 5: "Don't all Iranian men beat their wives?"

No.

That does not mean that there is no abuse in Iran. There is.

Just so that you know, Iranian popular culture does not excuse spousal abuse. Soap operas and films do not excuse abusive men.

It is not easy to get any real information on wife beatings in Iran since most women will keep it secret. The Iranian government loves to tout the figures of abuse in the West, but they are not fooling anyone. Everyone in Iran knows that the same things happen there without the subsequent reporting.

Questions from our readers

Here is the list of the upcoming questions that we will respond to:

1. From CA/DC Reader:

Continuing on the oppressed womem theme...do you often get asked "Don't all Iranian men beat their wives?"

2. From Leila:
Is Christianity legal in Iran? Is the Bible illegal?

This answer is easy, so I will respond now: Yes Christianity is legal. No the bible is not illegal.

3. From Phillip:
how are other muslim/arab countries in the middle east seen by iran (allies - opponents)?

4. From someone with all consonants:
my question: i'm hoping to visit iran in the fall, can i meet you guys? will you be in tehran then?

We will try to respond to one every day and then continue with questions we are being asked on our travels in the US and Europe.

Question 4: What's up with the jacket?

Christopher asked: "Can ahmadinejad do something about the no tie with a jacket thing? it really doesn't seem to be working."

I could not agree more Christopher. While Iranian women have found a way to look fabulous even in chadors, many men dress like slobs. To be fair, neatly dressed men were harassed in the dark days after the revolution. To be well-groomed was seen as pro-Western. "I had just gotten back from the front," a taxi driver told me (he was referring to the war with Iraq) "when I was arrested for wearing jeans. Can you imagine?" (Now people wear jeans all the time. Things change)

Just as women who work in government jobs or for companies that have a public face wear conservative clothing to work, men do as well. For men that means a colorless shirt, ill-fitting pants, and stubble. No ties allowed: that's for sure.

Still, I often wondered why Iranian men could not find a neater way to show their anti-Western leanings. Why look so dingy all the time?

Now about Ahmadinejad: Let's face it Christopher, the guy's never going to be a fashion icon no matter what he wears. And he isn't going to put on a designer suit: he's a populist not a fashionista. Here look at him in this neat suit jacket:



Or in this headdress:



(Thanks to Kamngir's site for the last pic)

I rest my case.

Question 3: Are they in any way hostile to westerners?

Are Iranians hostile to westerners? This is a broad question, but we still get it all the time. What I told a group when someone asked me this question was that the first religion in Iran is hospitality. For the most part, Iranians are delightfully hospitable to westerners: particularly American westerners.

I was greeted with warmth, disbelief, and curiosity everywhere I travelled in Iran. I have never travelled anywhere else where people were so happy to see me. I cannot stress this enough. The Iranians that I met were incredibly welcoming. You can read a bit of a recap of my feelings about Iran in this post: I heart Iran.

Edo River: I have met Bahais in Iran. You might want to read this post I wrote in 2003:

The Women's Party

Next Question:
from Christopher:

Can ahmadinejad do something about the no tie with a jacket thing? it really doesn't seem to be working.

Stay tuned!

Question 2: Is there a chance that there will be political change in Iran?

Of course people ask us this question. What did you expect? Iran is portrayed as a pariah, arming Al Qaeda, the Shi'a death squads, and promoting terrorism. (Wait, or is the US funding Al Qaeda?[Warning to folks in Iran: a youtube video: takes lots of bandwidth!])Iran is the bogeyman.

The short answer is: Iran changes all the time. There is change in Iran today! There will be change tomorrow. There was change yesterday. Iran's path is unclear. It's future is unclear. The regime seems to think that the only way to guarantee its survival is by making sure young men and women don't hold hands in public and that women wear black and men take the gel out of their hair. I am being a bit facetious, but sometimes it really does seem that way to me.

Most people do not want another revolution (it seems)... they want slow change for the better, not the worse.

Iranians have never been happy with their governments. In Being Modern in Iran (fabulous book, by the way!)Fariba Adelkhah quotes from a source writing in the 1800s: he wrote that Iranians love their country and hate their government.

So maybe nothing will change.

Next post from me will be Jack from Canada's question: Are they in any way hostile to westerners? His question is one we get regularly.

What people we meet want to know about Iran

Question 1: Hejab

It's true. We have been a bit lax communicating with you dear readers. We have been busy and not busy at the same time. Perhaps it's best to say that we are distracted.

I thought you, particularly you Iranian readers, would be interested in what the people we meet want to know about Iran. Here goes:

Did you have to wear a burqa?

No. I have never worn a burqa, but it would not surprise me if in a few years we all were wearing one. It seems to be the perfect solution to the harsh rays of the sun. In fact, I never saw an Iranian woman in a burqa. In the south, near Bandar Abbas, I did see women in masks:



Most Iranian women wear a simple scarf:



or a fashionable scarf (left)or a chador (right):



But I never saw a burqa. I bet you could find a woman or two in Iran in a burqa, I just never saw them.

Next post... Question 2: Is there a chance that there will be political change in Iran?

Have you got a question? Post it in the comments.